


better than what we had

by Ive_never_read_fluff



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Deceit Sanders Angst, Eventual Smut, First Time, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, No Incest, Nonbinary Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24435475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ive_never_read_fluff/pseuds/Ive_never_read_fluff
Summary: Jan and Virgil make a decision. It's a matter of life and death for the young couple.. and they couldn't have been happier with the outcome.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Dark Creativity | Remus/Deceit/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	better than what we had

His hands were shaking.

Despite how much he wanted it, he couldn't quiet his anxieties about it, the very prospect of it had always been a cause of increased anxiety. But he couldn't stand anything anymore. 

Neither could his partner, who's hands were gripping onto his own, shaking as well. Jan seemed to be consumed in an ocean of his thoughts. They were, in fact, thinking. They couldn't believe that they were about to go through with this little plan.

And no, not that type of plan.

Not the plan they'd failed at 4 times prior.

Though it was to be expected, they were only 11 when they had their first attempt. They had tried to overdose on pills. Melatonin. It was stupid, young logic that persuaded him into believing that by taking a large dose of sleeping medicine, they'd fall asleep and would never wake up.

The second time was when they were 12, this time by attempting to bleed out from the almost uncountable amount of long cuts imbedded in their skin. It only resulted in their parents finding out they cut themself, a new therapist, and more than a few sympathetic looks shot their way. 

Third was also when they were 12. They had been questioning their gender (they still don't know, but they've opted to use they/them, as those make them most comfortable) and it'd got to them much more than anticipated, so in a fit of what they could only explain as something they never wanted to happen ever again, they had tied a noose and hung it up on a black hook-like thing on the ceiling in the middle of their room.

Alas, it appeared to not be able to hold their weight, so after repeated attempts to make it hold up, they gave up and settled for reopening their cuts. They got so close to their goal too -- yet, in their frenzy of suicidal want, a sufficient amount of time had passed. Like, one moment it was 1:15am and the next their phone alarm was going off, marking it time to pretend as if they had just woken up and to start getting themself ready for the hellhole known as school.

Guess their bleeding out would have to wait (they groaned and went off to bandage the now reopened wounds, only halfway caring about it).

The forth was overdose at 15. They found it much more enjoyable than some of their previously tried methods. They'd never try jumping or drowning or anything else besides what was already did, it terrified them to no end, they had a massive fear of heights and of jumping into water.

When they were about 2 or so, their mom had left them alone in the bathtub for a few seconds while she rushed to get to the ringing phone, and in that time they had managed to get out of their little baby-bath thing and into the shallow water of the bathtub. 

It scared them and that's probably why they hated diving off into the water. 

Anyway, the overdose failed, for a reason they don't care to remember. Probably got far too repressed, as many of their earlier memories did.

Right now, though, at 16, they were holding the hand of their boyfriend. His name was Virgil. Virgil had had his fair share of suicide attempts in the past as well, with the majority of them being jumping off of high-off-the-ground stuff. 

It resulted in him being unable to walk. His legs were forever damaged and he had them removed, rendering him in a wheelchair. His hands were shaking and so were his partners'. They had talked, and they were both anxious and relieved at the same time, they had just left their homes and the people in them, to run (and roll) away together. Virgil and Jan decided to dye their hair. It was somewhat calming and somewhat very scary. 

It was them saying that they were leaving everything behind, it was them moving on, it was them promising each other that this was real and they loved each other and they'd swear to protect each other no matter what.

Jan's hands were shaking. They knew what this meant, they were finally going to do what they wanted, and they wouldn't get judged or belittled or frowned upon for it. They were finally away from Virgil's homophobic parents and Jan's transphobic ones. No more mis-gendering, no more whispers of "fucking fag" whenever they would hang out together, no more hateful glares at them when they were talking to each other. 

Virgil's hands were shaking. He knew he'd finally been able to get away from his parents stupidity, but he couldn't shake the feeling that they'd find them, the couple were now technically two missing persons. He knew he was going off to a better life and there was little to no change they'd be found out. They were going to meet up with two more couples, they met online for a group of teens wanting to run away.

Turned out Patton and Roman went to the same school as Jan and Virgil. The only reason they weren't dying their hair with them was because they had a plan (Logan and his boyfriend Remus made it, so it'd give them structure.) and Roman wouldn't be coming with Patton for a few days.

It was to not raise suspicion.

Logan and Remus, however, were already waiting for Virgil and Jan at their soon-to-be home in the shacks in the woods, that Remus and Roman had built before their dad and mom spilt and his dad took him to the next town over.

That was not a big problem for Remus. He was used to running away for days at a time, and Logan had no issue ditching town for his boyfriend. Though it did take months of working at the local library to earn enough money to buy new phones for himself, Remus, and Roman. Patton worked at a pet shelter for about a year, and in the beginning he wasn't intending to use it for running away supplies. He bought himself a new phone and some things Logan couldn't access. Jan sold drugs sometimes, that gave them quite a lot of money, so they got themself and their boyfriend both a phone. 

By the time they decided to run away on specific date, they had already bought the needed supplies, of course without their parents knowing. Now all that needed to be done was meeting up at the cabins in the woods. Jan and Virgil reset and deleted any accounts they've ever had, along with Gmail, the second they left their houses and met up. After that there was no way to find them.. along with their dyed hair, their several different colored contacts, and fake IDs.

He didn't need to be Virgil White anymore. They didn't need to be Janinessa Chloe anymore.

He didn't need to be Patton Beau anymore. He didn't need to be Roxanne Knight anymore. 

He didn't need to be Logan Crofton anymore. He didn't need to be Remus Knight anymore. 

He could be Vee. They could be Jan. 

He could be Pat. He could be Roman (or Ro).

He could be Lo. He could be Rem (or Re). 

None of them were tied to their previous lives. Not anymore. They could be free.

Lo could conduct science experiments with the stuff Remus brought to him, Remus could vandalize whatever he pleased, Roman could act out as many plays as his soul wished too, Patton could care for the pack of coyotes that he had managed to tame somewhat, Jan could do anything without getting disgusted stares from anyone or getting mis-gendered, Virge could be as edgy as he wanted and he could climb trees and no one would stop him.

Oh, did anyone mention that once Jan got there with Virgil, Logan was there with his closest friend who happened to be a doctor, waiting with a pair of robotic legs for Virgil, so he could walk. Patton was bringing an emotional comfort dog for them all to share whenever they needed her. Roman brought some binders for him and Jan, as well as the extra medicine for Remus' intrusive thoughts and urges. Virgil brought guns to protect them -- stuff to purify water, and a guide on telling what's poison and what's not and how to cook it in the right ways.

And, someone should mention, that they all planed to date each other. The brothers wouldn't be dating each other, they'd be dating everyone else, they were not (for the love of hell) going to be romantically or sexually involved with each other. Just wanted to preface that. 

Though, living in the woods definitely made the sexual part of the relationship.. interesting. Remus brought sex toys. They were originally for himself, but that didn't end up happening.

It was sometime at night and Remus felt the familiar feeling of lust wash over him. He hadn't felt horny in a while, far much longer than he'd ever gone before. A small, quiet moan left his mouth at the rush of the feeling. Just at the mere _feeling._ God, he was going to enjoy this, he predicted that he'd be more sensitive then he's ever been. 

His hips involuntarily bucked up at the thought, he was clearly going to take the longest toy he'd brought with him tonight. But he hadn't done anything like this since he ran away with Logan. Logan.. how would Logan fuck him? Would Remus top? How would it feel to have Logan's cock in his ass, with Lo thrusting into him with such precision, telling him how much of a whore he is, and speeding up when Remus cries out.

A whine left his lips as he got caught up in the thought. He started looking for his secret stash of sex toys, where did he put them? How would he keep quiet? Would he wake the others? Were they even asleep? The sound of a choked half-gasp half-moan filled his ears. Did that mean the others heard it too? Oh, what would they do? If it was Patton.. he'd..

"Ahh.." It pushed itself up and forced itself out of Remus' mouth, without him wanting it to. Thinking of Patton and what he might do -- it got Remus very hard. He imagined Patton catching him in the act, imagined how his face would be taken over by blush and how his eyes would switch from those of surprise to ones filled with lust. He wasn't sure if the sound he'd heard in his head actually came out of his mouth or not.

Imaginary Patton would walk up to him, tell him to continue, and would grab his face as he whimpered due to the embarrassment of being caught, whispering in a deep but gentle voice "Rem. Look at me," then he would look at him and would groan quietly at the look of pure lust on Patton's face. ".. is this okay? Just tell me if it's not and I'll leave." Patton's voice grew softer and Remus would whimper out a "please, Pat, please.. whatever you want." Gasping as Patton would kiss him, and soon asking for entrance to his mouth with his tongue. Remus gave it. He would be so desperate and he'd start to grind against Patton. 

Patton would tut his imaginary lips and would hold Remus' hips in place. A not-so-quiet moan would leave Remus' lips as his brain kept supplying him with fantasies of the different actions and responses he'd get. _Virgil would come in, see him, and the next thing he'd know -- Virgil would be fucking his ass harshly and unforgivingly, and he wouldn't stop as Remus's moans got louder._ Remus wouldn't notice, but someone else would. Or, multiple people would. 

Jan, Logan and Virgil heard a noise from the room right next to them. "What was that?" Virgil asked, his protective side kicking in at the thought that someone could be hurt. He didn't notice the looks on his partners' or Logan's face. "That.. uh.." Jan couldn't finish the sentence, as their blush got darker. They looked up to see the confusion on their boyfriends' face, "y-you seriously don't know?" Jan said, seemingly exasperated at Virgil. "No??" Virgil replied -- they could tell that it would definitely have double question marks if written down. Another loud sound and Logan was hiding his face in his hands, slightly embarrassed at what his boyfriend was doing, and that he would have to explain it. "I believe that Remus is partaking in.. an activity." 

"Well, fucking obviously. I still don't understand though?" 

"He-" Logan was cut off by Jan.

"He means he's, uhh, he's masterbating."

Jan squeaked out their answer, knowing it had to be said or Virgil would walk into him doing.. the deed with himself, and wanting to save them the embarrassment. "Oh." Was all Virgil said as he too started blushing.

Then their ears were being filled with the sounds Remus made, and all of them knew that in that exact moment, they all wanted to be a part of whatever Remus was doing. 

Virgil's head snapped up when he heard a small groan from in front of him. It came from Logan. Logan covered his face as he realized the sound he made, "uh, sorry, I didn't-" Another very, very loud sound of Remus crying out, loud and broken. "-fuck.." They all said at the same time. Letting a squeak out, Jan looked down and saw the obvious boners in both their boyfriends's and Logan's pants. Jan had just now noticed theirs. 

"Guys.." Virgil noticed the arousal that suddenly swept the air, and decided to speak on it. They all shared a look. "It'd be b-beneficial for us to hear who he is thinking of. Or i-if he is at all." It was rare to hear Logan stutter, he'd only done it once before today. "Mm." Was all he got in reply as they got up and went for Remus's door. Just outside his door, moans and cries and pleas for more could be heard clear as a non-cloudy day in summer.

Whines and incoherent words were all they got for a while. Until, "Gah! Fu- hnghh-- Pat! - Vee! - Jan!- Lo!!- aghh.." came from Remus' mouth, sounding so broken and aroused and so, so _good_. All of their hard-on's had gotten painfully hard. Looking at each other, they knew they were going in. 

Opening the door, which, for some reason wasn't locked, they were met with the most beautiful sight they'd ever seen.

Remus, with his back arched, sat on his bed with a large dildo in his ass, had cum flowing out of his also large and erect dick. His eyes were clamped shut, his hair was sticking to his forehead from the beats of sweat dripping off him, his eyebrows were knotted together in a mixture of pure pleasure and slight pain. 

Rem was far too focused on the sweetly amazing feeling he got from the bulge in his stomach caused because of the dildo that was too big for him. 

When he did open his eyes he was surprised, and was udderly and completely embarrassed.

"H-how.. long..?" Remus could barely form a sentence, and what he did say wasn't much of a sentence, it was two words. "God Rem -- we've only been here for a few moments, but we heard you, and god, you're so hot." Virgil said, lust still clouding his vision. Logan was slightly more composed. Remus was his boyfriend, after all, and it's not like this is his first time seeing him like this. 

Except it is, and he's not at all composed in the slightest, because oh fuck, he really is so hot.

A groan left his lips. Jan was just blushing more and more intensely. _Perhaps they are a sub.._ Logan thought, suddenly wanting to hear Jan moan and wanting to feel as their right holes gets used by him and Virgil, as it was clear that Virgil wasn't a complete sub, maybe a bottom, but not sub.

It was after a few seconds looking at each other, that someone spoke, "do you guys.. wanna fuck me?" Remus asked, not opposed to the idea of overstimulation, and actually wanted to explore it. The thought of being fucked by them made him whimper and make his hard-on come back. "Mm. Yeah, a lot." Virgil said, as Logan couldn't function. 

He was similar to a computer when an error happened, that 'desktop has run into an error' note that pops up on the screen. 

Needless to say, Remus would cum more than a few times, and would have learned that yes, he does in fact, have a thing for overstimulation. 

And he'd never hesitate to come to someone when he felt like that again. 

(Also, Logan found out that, yes, Jan was a sub. God they were so hot when they were under him.)

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be angsty with both Jan and Virge committing suicide as a couple. What tf happened lol
> 
> Plus I've never wrote smut before this and the whole thing basically wrote itself.


End file.
